11_metamorphosis-第26章

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led；　too。〃

〃Then　it　got　quiet。　We　guessed　that　they　had　decided　they　had　destroyed　us。　But　there　was　no　going　back；　our　only　chance；　the　way　I　saw　it；　was　to　look　for　another　route　out　of　the　place…find　a　junction　further　down。　And　we　had　to　do　it　fast；　Lancer　pointed　out；　because　there　might　be　Invid　looking　for　a　way　in。〃

〃Scott　was　mechamorphosing　back　to　cycle　mode　while　he　was　reminding　us　how　persistent　the　Invid　were…as　if　we　hadn't　seen　that　for　ourselves。　If　Scott　had　one　weakness　as　a　leader；　it　was　stating　the　obvious。　But　as　he　stripped　out　of　his　armor　and　went　to　look　for　an　exit；　his　light　showed　that　the　tunnel　had　been　sort　of　squooshed　together　like　a　toothpaste　tube　in　that　direction。〃

〃We　were　sealed　in。〃


CHAPTER　TWENTY

What　is　to　bee　of　men　and　women…males　and　females…and　the　way　they　cope　with　one　another　and　the　differences　between　them？
Doesn't　this　go　to　the　heart　of　the　reason　the　Robotech　Wars　started　in　the　first　place？　The　Regis　and　Zor？　The　soullessness　of　the　Masters？　The　Shaping　of　the　Protoculture　itself？
Isn't　it　the　question　that　must　be　answered　before　there's　a　love　that's　worthy　of　the　name？
Altaira　Heimel；　Butterflies　in　Winter：　Human　Relations　and　the　Robotech　Wars

Rand　continues：

〃Scott　hardly　batted　an　eyelash。　He　just　fell　back　to　Plan　W；　or　whatever　letter　he　was　up　to　by　then。　Can…do；　that's　the　attitude　they　had　drummed　into　him。〃

〃But　without　any　warning　at　all；　Lunk　suddenly　lost　it。　The　next　thing　we　knew　he　was　kneeling　on　Scott's　chest；　choking　him；　screaming　about　how　Scott　had　gotten　us　into　this；　how　it　was　his　fault　we　were　going　to　die。　I　think　the　first　would　be　undeniable；　but　we　had　all　had　the　chance　to　opt　out；　just　like　Annie；　and　so　the　second　part　just　didn't　stick。　Maybe　Lunk　was　regretting　that　he　hadn't　stayed　behind　to　give　Annie　away　at　the　wedding　and　settle　down　in　a　hammock　someplace。〃

〃When　Lancer　and　I　tried　to　peel　him　off；　Lunk　just　flung　us　away　with　one　sweep　of　his　arm；　growling　and　roaring　like　some　berserk　Neanderthal。　Rook　had　no　intention　of　letting　it　go　on；　but　she　was　smarter　than　we　were；　I　saw　her　edging　her　H90　out。〃

〃Lancer　saw；　too；　and　so　we　made　one　more　effort。　Lunk　was　foaming　at　the　mouth；　but　I　guess　by　then　he　had　said　everything　he　was　thinking…basically；　that　he　was　afraid　he　was　going　to　die。　Lancer　and　I　got　armlocks　on　both　sides；　and　this　time　we　dragged　him　loose。　Marlene　cradled　Scott's　head　to　her　and　tried　to　stop　the　bleeding　of　his　split　lip。〃

〃Lancer　and　I　had　our　hands　full；　and　Lunk　was　howling　for　us　to　leave　him　alone。　Lancer　stepped　back　and　wound　up　for　a　punch。　He　got　a　lot　of　power　into　the　uppercut…I　made　a　mental　note　not　to　poke　fun　at　Yellow　Dancer　ever　again…but　it　barely　rocked　Lunk。　Still；　the　big　guy　sort　of　came　out　of　his　fit。〃

〃Lancer　was　apologizing；　although　I　noticed　he　was　poised　to　give　Lunk　a　second　dosage　if　the　diagnosis　called　for　it。　But　Lunk's　madness　seemed　to　have　left　him　as　quickly　as　it　had　e。　Lancer　reminded　him　that　Scott　hadn't　led　us　down　there；　I　had。〃

〃And　there　I　was；　nodding；　kind　of　smug；　in　a　sneaky　way；　about　how　honest　and　forthing　I　was　being。　It　served　me　right　for　letting　my　ego　take　over；　when　I　wasn't　looking；　Lunk　hooked　me。　It　was　a　little　like　being　struck　by　lightning。　Next　thing　I　knew；　I　was　lying　on　the　ground　with　loosened　teeth。〃

〃All　I　could　think　of　to　do　was　lie　on　the　ground。　I　settled　for　giving　Lunk　my　best　mean　look。　'Feel　better？'　I　drooled。〃

〃And　it　worked。　Next　thing　I　know；　Lunk's　down　on　his　hands　and　knees　begging　my　forgiveness　and　blubbering　that　he　didn't　know　what　got　into　him…he　was　scared；　he　didn't　belong　on　the　team；　didn't　have　what　it　took　and　so　on。〃

〃I　opted　for　the　high　road。　Rubbing　my　jaw；　I　told　him　that　it　seemed　to　me　that　he　had　had　what　it　took　just　a　second　before。　I　sorta　sneaked　a　look　at　Rook；　hoping　she　had　noticed　now　mature　and　big…hearted　I　was　being；　but　she　just　sniffed　at　me　and　turned　her　nose　in　the　air；　and　said；　‘I　guess　he　proved　that；　didn't　he？'〃

〃Sometimes　I　wish　there　was　a　third　gender　that　would　do　nothing　but　referee。〃

〃Marlene　was　looking　around　at　us　like　we　were　crazy。　And　I　suppose　we　were；　Christ；　we　were　all　crazy；　the　Robotech　Irregulars　off　on　a　lark　to　blow　up　Reflex　Point！　No　wonder　it　had　brought　us　to　a　dead　end。〃

〃We　gradually　pulled　ourselves　back　together。　Scott　said　his　head　felt　like　somebody　had　been　using　it　to　crack　walnuts。〃

〃Lunk　was　worried　about　that　same　old　thing；　what　else？　Back　in　the　war　he　had　had　to　make　tracks　from　a　bad　situation；　and　he　saw　himself　as　a　coward。　He　was　afraid　he　had　cracked　and　let　us　down；　too。〃

〃Lunk　had　never　asked　me　about　this；　but　from　what　he　admitted　about　that　firelight；　I　don't　think　he　could　be　blamed　for　what　he　did。〃

〃I'm　sure　that　it's　a　special　kind　of　hell　hearing　your　closest　buddy　scream　for　a　pickup　and　having　to　stand　pat。　But　when　the　transmission's　ing　from　the　middle　of　a　walking…barrage　of　Invid　cannonfire；　and　the　rest　of　your　unit's　wiped　out；　and　the　man　or　woman　shrieking　at　you　is　mortally　wounded　and　beyond　any　possible　rescue；　I　don't　call　it　cowardice。　It's　part　of　the　evil　of　war。〃

〃Lancer　had　established　himself　as　a　sort　of　authority　figure　with　that　punch；　I　suppose　you　could　say。　But　he　tried　to　point　out　that　Lunk　was　just　Human。　Lunk　still　didn't　seem　to　know　what　to　do　and　looked　like　he　was　about　to　burst　into　tears　again。　I　gave　Rook　a　little　eye　signal　and　said　somebody　should　start　hunting　for　a　back　door…that　maybe　there　was　something　we　had　missed。〃

〃She　gave　me　a　funny　look；　but　didn't　object。　She　and　I　got　flashlights　and　started　off。　There　was　the　very　beginning　of　another　platform　at　the　far　cave…in；　and　we　got　down　to　a　lower　level；　but　there　was　no　exit。　We　walked　amid　handbills　that　had　faded　and　gone　to　tatters；　newsstands　where　the　candy　had　been　taken　by　the　rats　and　the　stacks　of　newspapers　turned　into　cockroach　settlements。〃

〃The　steady　drip　of　water　was　everywhere　and　you　could　smell　the　stagnant　pools　of　it；　and　the　things　rotting　in　them。　There　were　constant　skitters　in　the　dark；　distant　squeaks　and　squeals。　It　wasn't　terribly　cold；　but　it　was　dank　enough　to　make　me　shiver。〃

〃I　looked　at　the　face　of　the　woman　on　the　last　edition　of　Mademoiselle　ever　to　be　published　and　couldn't　help　wondering　what　I　always　wonder　when　I　e　across　things　like　that。〃

〃Did　she　survive　the　Invid　holocaust？　Had　she　lived　through　the　turf…wars　and　the　plagues　and　famines　and　slave…roundups？　Had　she　been　disfigured；　or　lived　long　enough　to　discover　that　her　beauty　could　be　a　terrible　curse　in　this　post…apocalyptic　world；　and　simply　ended　it　all　one　day？

〃Rook　was　strangely　quiet；　and　I　didn't　feel　like　talking　much　because　my　jaw　ached。　Finally　we　were　sitting　on　a　platform；　swinging　our　legs；　gazing　down　at　the　third　rail　that　would　never　know　its　surge　of　current　again。　Out　of　nowhere；　I　was　admitting　that　I　wasn't　so　sure　there　was　any　way　out　this　time。

〃I　expected　the　worst；　but　for　once　she　wasn't　busting　my　chops。　‘Don't　give　up　hope。　I'm　sure　we'll　e　up　with　a　way　out　of　here　eventually。'　Her　voice　sounded　so　different　all　of　a　sudden；　the　world　seemed　to　change。〃

〃I　was　flummoxed；　as　the　ancients　would　say。　To　cover　up；　I　said　that　even　if　we　did　get　out；　the　team　would　never　be　the　same。　Rook　just　lay　back　with　her　head　pillowed　on　her　hands；　looking　up　at　the　ceiling。　I　wanted　to　stretch　out　next　to　her　the　same　way…nothing　funny；　you　understand；　just　lie　there　together　like　we　were　out　on　a　hill　someplace　looking　at　clouds。　But　I　thought　she　might　take　it　the　wrong　way；　so　I　didn't。〃

〃‘I　should　tell　you　something；'　she　said。　‘I've　been　thinking　of　quitting　the　team。'〃

〃It　was　the　last　thing　I　expected　her　to　say。　But　she　insisted；　‘It's　been　on　my　mind　a　long　time；　Rand。'〃

〃‘But　we're　counting　on　you　more　than　ever　now　that…'〃

〃‘I'm　tired　of　people　counting　on　me！　Or　maybe　I'm　just　tired　of　running　for　my　life　all　the　time。'〃

〃I　didn't　know　how　to　respond　to　that；　so　my　mouth　said；　'C'mon；　you're　just　like　me。　You　thrive　on　danger！'〃

〃She　was　looking　at　me　out　of　the　corner　of　one　eye；　in　a　very　strange　way。　‘Up　to　a　point。'　From　her；　it　was　a　major　concession；　agreeing　with　anything　I　said　like　that。〃

〃So　I　gave　in　a　little；　too。　‘You're　right。　I'm　not　being　straight　with　you　when　I　say　fighting　is　fun。　Maybe　I　just　keep　repeating　it　to　keep　from　facing　the　fact　that　I'm　scared　sick　a　lot　of　the　time。'〃

〃Now　she　was　watching　me　with　both　eyes。　‘What　d'you　know？　I　never　thought　I'd　hear　you　admit　a　thing　like　that。'〃

〃I　shrugged。　‘It's　all　been　working　at　me；　Lunk　and　the　Invid　and　all。　Matter　of　fact；　I　wonder　if　this　whole　mission　isn't　just　a　hopeless　effort。　A　half…dozen　people　just　can't　do　it。'〃

〃Now　she　was　up　on　one　elbow；　and　I　couldn't　help　noticing　how　she　moved　in　that　shiny；　skintight　biker's　racing　suit。　'Rand；　I　just　had　a　bright　idea。　Let's　quit　the　team　together。　Hear　me　out！　We'd　be　saving　everybody's　life。　Scott　would　have　to　postpone　the　mission　while　we　all　go　looking　for　more　recruits。　There　are　Resistance　units。　We　might　be　able　to　assemble　a　real　strikeforce。'〃

〃I　thought　about　that　for　a　few　seconds。　An　hour　would　not　have　been　enough；　but　I　didn't　want　her　to　think　I　was　slow　or　indecisive　now　that　she　was　just　starting　to　be　civil　to　me。　‘I've　got　an　even　better　idea：　Why　don't　you　and　me　just　pull　out　and　not　e　back？'〃

〃Those　fair；　fine　brows　of　hers　came　together。　‘What　are　you　saying？'〃

〃‘We　could　hop　on　our　bikes　and　hit　the　highway　again！　You　and　I　could　get　married；　have　us　a　coupla　spare　wheels…'〃

〃It　will；　by　now；　be　obvious　to　the　knowledgeable　reader　that　in　spite　of　all　the　boasting　I　had　done；　I　really　didn't　know　much　about　women。　Rook　was　giving　me　a　glare　that　made　me　wonder　if　I　should　go　get　myself　fumigated。〃

〃But　all　at　once　she　turned　and　started　twirling　a　wisp　of　her　forelock　around　one　finger　looking　at　it　kind　of　cross…eyed。　‘You've　pletely　missed　my　point；　Rand。　The　point　was　to　pull　out　together　so　we　could　find　more　people　and　bring　them　back。　Get　me？'〃

〃‘I　thought　the　point　was　to　hit　the　road　together　because　you　feel　the　same　way　about　me　that　I　feel　about　you；'　I　opened　up。　‘We'd　be　perfect　together。　I'd　follow　you　anywhere　in　the　world。　You　know　that。'〃

〃‘Have　you　pletely　lost　your　mind？'〃

〃‘Huh…uh。　I've　pletely　lost　my　heart。'　God；　what　else　did　she　want　me　to　say？　And　so；　of　course；　because　（I'm　pretty　sure）　I　had　made　my　point；　she　just…jumped　to　her　feet！　She　just　broke　off　the　conversation！　With　that　one　move；　she　was　calling　the　tune　again。〃

〃So　I　got　up；　too；　and　put　my　arm　around　her　shoulders；　not　at　all　certain　that　she　wouldn't　flip　me　down　over　the　third　rail。　But　she　stamped　one　foot　and　pushed　my　arm　away　and　scolded　me　instead。　‘The　point　of　this　deal　is　to　save　our　friends'　lives；　not　to　establish　a　relationship。　If；　if　you're　willing　to　accept　that；　then　I'm　still　game。'〃

〃‘Since　you　put　it　that　way；　I　can　hardly　refuse；　can　I？'〃

〃She　chuckled　softly；　that　throaty　laugh　that　made　me　wish　so　muck　that　we　could　be　together。　‘Boy；　will　Scott　be　mad；'　she　added。〃

〃She　laughed　some　more　and　it　made